+Che+

I’m thinking that after graduation, my classmates will be seen everywhere I go. I bet I won’t even be able to completely lose contact with the people I really hate here, because they’ll invite me to their graduation parties, and half of them will have beer to get wasted, and they won’t even expect that I only left them $5 in a card to help them buy lunch at college. I’m already invited to three, and I barely know the one girl. They all just want my money. I don’t care. I guess I’ll be getting free food and a little bit of a good time. I am going to two out of three so far.

A year from now, I’ll be hiding behind a rack of clothes or shampoo aisle to avoid talking to a preppish whorish slut of a “friend” I talked to since kindergarten. I won’t accept favors from anyone, or else they’ll ask for one further down the line.

I’m slowly losing control the closer I get to becoming a true adult, on my own. There is a great fear inside of me, wishing my parents could live as long as me. I feel that I just couldn’t leave them when the time comes. What if mom or dad fall and get hurt and I’m not there to help them out?

It’s terrible, my fearful emotions, but I’m so scared sometimes. I just want to get through the 2 years of college that I have, and help out my family and get myself on a better track to a good life. Although I try to always look at the brighter side in the worst situation, it won’t work to smile when my bills aren’t paid and I can’t enjoy any luxuries of vacation or an ice cream cone here and there. Hunting and fishing has to fit my schedule, or else I won’t really be living int he natural world we all live in.

Misery isn’t an option for me, because it’s been in my life every single year since my birth.

Misery has to stop. Happiness is what is needed. And for my family, money buys happiness. So, I better get going…

cher

Although I have already updated once today, I can’t help but sign in to Blogsome and write more.

Our pool is open. Of course, the water is green and cold as ever. Who knows when we can swim. June maybe?

There was no point in even beginning this entry, considering the bell is going to ring in about 4 minutes. I can’t write anything creative or interesting in that time, or can I?

I’m tempted to flick the switch at the end of the row of computers, and fuck up everyone’s projects. But I know I wouldn’t appreciate it, so I’ll just dream. Plus, my comp would go out, and you wouldn’t even know I did it. So forget it all together.

My nails are pink now. I wonder how long it will last. *sigh* I’ve gotten used to pink, to the point where I like it, wearing it too. But when there is nothing but hot pink on my nails to stare at all the time, I grow sick of it, quick.

Okay, the bell will ring, and I don’t want to be in the back of the line out of here.

cher

It is a Tuesday morning, and my Senior year is almost over. Where will the road to life take me tomorrow?

I have tried not to ask myself so many questions about my future, and whether or not I should do this or that. It is too much stress to deal with the things I shouldn’t be worried about.

Plans to go to WCCC is in play. The application will be sent very soon. It isn’t very much to attend this college for 2 years. I will be studying to become a Dental Hygienist. It is something that I want to do, and I am not being forced, thank God.

I haven’t been writing in any of my journals at home, and I fear that I will grow out of this hobby. It used to be such a good habit to write so much, and I am sick of the large journal that I have. It’s a hassle to carry around, so I don’t bring it to school. And sometimes it is too hard to write online, becuase there are people sitting around me that may try to read it. I’m a little on the shy side, and I like to keep my things private. Of course, I don’t mind that a person reads it on their own time, just not right beside me. Ya know?

The weather will hopefully pull through this week. Though I work today, tomorrow and Thursday, I will try to make time for the horses. The new fenced in woods area isn’t too comforting for them. I guess they’re always scared of something in those woods.

Gotta go.
cher

I am listening to radiohead, sitting at a computer in Mrs. Buterbaugh’s room. Cody to my left.

That’s it.

friend [n]

A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.

I looked up this definition after homeroom, right when I walked into this room and sat down in front of the computer screen. This was the closest one to “friend” that I got.

Go ahead, get back at me. Make me feel like dirt. You’re dirtier than me, and I don’t care…

Wow, what an entry.

cher